How many times have you had unwanted attention from a suitor who just didn’t fit your needs? Have your DM’s turned into a Slip ‘n Slide for scrubs? Maybe you have someone in your real life who is trying to ‘woo’ you into the fiery passion of a relationship with them, but you’re not feeling it… These situations are uncomfortable, weird, and awkward (to say the very least), but there is no need to allow the anxiety involved to overwhelm you. You can simply ‘curve’ them.
The art of curving is a skill that can get you out of those grueling situations that force you between a rock and a hard place. It’s scary knowing that you may have fallen into a one-sided love affair you never asked for. There are steps you can take to ensure that you don’t fall victim to the detriment of leading someone on, or even worse, have a bothersome and thirsty pest on your hands!
- Kind Curve- Using the ‘but’
It’s okay to be nice and engage with people who find us attractive and may want to ‘see what’s up’, but the reality is reciprocation of the gestures they give allude to your interest in them also. If a guy is in your inbox shooting his shot and you’re responding with heart eye emojis, returning the energy he is sending, telling him he’s sexy, etc. then you are abetting in your ultimate harassment. At this point it seems that you definitely are interested and it’s all systems go.
It’s perfectly fine to thank someone for their compliments and kind gestures as there is no reason to be a bitch—not always at least. When the compliment comes, you can use the thanks to lighten the blow of the “but” that is soon to follow the phrase—not quite the butt desired. In a world so small it’s definitely great to be nice and pleasant whenever possible because you never know what other spaces people will occupy with you. There’d be nothing worse than running into the guy you treated like shit for trying to date you in another space that makes the atmosphere awkward.
Let him know that you are uninterested and leave it at that. If he can’t check it, he has to respect it. Just that simple! If he doesn’t respond well or begins to degrade or offend you then you know you have made the best choice.
- Silent Curve- Simply ignore it
It sounds so simple, and it is. There are no laws that state you must respond to every single person that wants to request some of your time…. Dafuq? You have every right to pretend those DM/text/phone calls never showed up. That’s most often my approach (sorry, boys.) It’s so time consuming just thinking about responding to everyone that hits you up with an explanation or carry on a string of conversations. It’s just a no for me.
There are 86,400 seconds in the day and some of those days can make even 60 seconds of a text back impossible. Chances are that message is only a proposal to Netflix and chill with nothing of substance to go with it which is counterproductive and a waste of your time. This approach is also perfect if you can’t stomach dishing out the feeling of rejection to someone else. We all can’t be Ray Charles to other people’s feelings and you want to spare them the hurt you may have experienced… So the silent curve is for you.
Hopefully they get the idea that you aren’t interested and don’t start to harass you. If you find yourself victim to the thirst tactics that some may bring into your life you can either revert to the ‘kind curve’ or you can utilize the handy dandy block button. No one needs that negativity or anxiety in their lives. Let the block button relieve you of the pressure, boo.
- The Personal Let Down- Public Curving
There’s always some guy in the building that has the courage to approach you as though it’s 1985 and he can’t swipe for you on Tinder… The worst part is that most of the guys with this confidence to approach you aren’t going to be the guys you want to approach you… That’s just not how the universe works. You can still use your ‘but’ in this situation, but when it seems you’re developing a pest problem in person you can’t give it a silent curve.
If you’re out with friends—good friends I should say—they will notice you’re being pestered and will create an avenue to get you out of that sticky situation. Maybe a friend can walk up and pretend to be your significant other giving you the out of being unavailable. Maybe your friends can run up and grab you to snatch you to the bar for a shot so that you don’t have to deal with the uneasiness brewing across the room.
When all else fails you can just simply say no and walk away. There is nothing wrong with not being interested. Different things float our boats. Some people like feet and others like bondage—simply put, we won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. We should all expect to be turned down or rejected once in a while; and sometimes we have to turn down and reject. It’s what keeps the world spinning!
Never did I mention curving someone was easy… it’s actually quite difficult to pull off. I believe that people who can’t master the curve are likely to settle in life or stay in uncomfortable situations far too long. Like dead ends and hang nails, you have to be able to rid yourself of things that stop you from being great. The harassment from your messages and in public can be counterproductive to your overall goals. Don’t compromise doing you for someone else’s comfort—Hit ‘em with the curve!
About The Author: Kris Welcome
Kris Welcome is a writer based in Los Angeles, CA. Currently, he serves as a copywriter where he manages several blogs, including Pics Of Men, Gay Hub, and Big Cam Tube. Kris is from Texas and has lived in California since 2014. Mr. Welcome has been a writer as long as he can remember and has worked to derive a writing style that’s versatile and rounded, but still reflective of one voice.
Kris has a BA in Communication with minor concentration in journalism from Texas Southern University and a MFA in Producing for TV/Film from New York Film Academy-Burbank. He has written for The Voice of Southwest Louisiana, BallerAlert, and Curb Networks, among others. Soul food enthusiast. Southern gentleman. Beach bum. Pisces. Guy with the Afro.